BUILDING A HOUSEHOLD OF FAITH, Message Six

"LIVING LETTERS"

Ephesians 6:1-4

"Children are the living messages we send to a time we will not see." (John W. Whitehead).

That being true, the question is, "What kind of living letter are you preparing?" Too many dip their parental pen in poison and write a deadly message on their child's heart. These children will grow up to be turned loose on society to spread their deadly toxin. Even Christian parents often fail to write the Word of God upon their kids' hearts. Yet, we have the potential under God to turn this around and send out living letters of testimony to the grace and power of Christ to future generations. Paul tells us four requirements for being effective parents. First:

1. DEMONSTRATION "you fathers" (6:4a)
It is not that mothers do not play a significant role in the spiritual development of their children for they certainly do. Still, God has placed men as the leaders of their home. There are things we need to teach our children and I'll talk about that, but we have no moral platform to do so if we are not practicing what we preach. Our children will not become what we say, but what we are. They had rather see a sermon than hear one. What do our children need to see in us?

· A HEALTHY MARRIAGE (5:22-33) This is not isolated subject matter. In the context Paul has just addressed Christian marriage as the necessary foundation for a Christian family. Your children desperately need to see a healthy marriage. Men, the best thing you could show your kids is how you cherish your wife. Ladies, the best thing you could show your kids is how much you respect your husband. Listen to these statistics.

Tonight, 33% of U.S. children will go to bed in a home without a biological father. (U.S. Census Bureau)
More than 1 million children are part of a divorce each year. (American Academy of Pediatrics)
Teachman, Tedrow and Crowder document changes to the American family over the past three decades: a tendency to marry later or not at all, increased divorce, an increase in children born out of wedlock, a decrease in households composed of families, a decrease in family households of two parents with children, an increase in children spending part of their childhood in a single parent household, and an increase in multiple changes for children's living arrangements. Their conclusion, "It is no longer the case that a child born today can expect go live his or her childhood with both biological parents." (Teachman, J.D., Tedrow, L.M., & Crowder, K.D. Journal of Marriage and Family)
Lang and Zagorsky found that children who grow up with both biological parents achieve significantly better results educationally, in marriage, and economically. They receive better grades, on average complete one year more of schooling, are 10% more likely to graduate from high school, are more likely to marry, earn more income, and accumulate more wealth. (Lang, K., & Zagorsky, J.L. Journal of Human Resources)
The Family Pediatrics Task Force found that women and children areseverelyy punished when a husband or father is not in the home. Income for single women head of households is only 47% of married couple family income. The probability of children living in poverty is 5 times greater in single women households (Pediatrics)
Perhaps the greatest cost to the physical absence of fathers in the home has been to create the practical absence of mothers in the home. Essentially, one person must now do the work of two. As a young woman who grew up in a single parent home said, "When my mom and dad divorced I didn't just lose my dad. I also lost my mom because she had to work long hours to support us."

Then demonstrate:
· A HOLY MODEL (6:1-2) In this series, we are talking about building a household of faith. This is the Bible's blueprint for raising children. If you want your children to honor you, then be an honorable parent, not a hypocritical oneProverbs17:6 says, "Parents are the pride of their children." Little eyes are watching our every move. A person's image of the Heavenly Father is often patterned after the image they have of their human father.

Bringing children up the right way not only requires demonstration, but:

2. DEVOTION "bring them up" (6:4b) This requires a commitment to them, to making our sons and daughters a priority. In the Old Testament a father would give a blessing to their kids. The father would place his hands on them and speak to them words of blessing. Have you given the blessing? It is:

· PROPER TOUCH. Kids need our touch. They need lots of hugs. They grow up secure when they receive this affection and they know how to express love to others. You don't spoil your children by giving them too much affection. A survey of teens from Christian homes found 79% felt unloved!

We also bless then with:
· POSITIVE TALK. We communicate by the tone of our voice whether our children are special or a nuisance. Critical, negative parents undermine their child's potential and raise kids that either become perfectionists pursuing an elusive goal of pleasing their parents or we embitter them.

What else is required for the proper upbringing of children?

3. DISCIPLINE "training" (6:4b) Has both a negative and positive dimension. We can't neglect either. It calls for:

· REINFORCING POSITIVE ATTITUDES AND BEHAVIOR. We must reward good behavior. When they get it right we must let them know. When you are rewarded on your job with a raise or promotion it inspires you to work harder. That principle is just as valid with our kids. But coupled with this comes:

· REMOVING NEGATIVE ATTITUDES AND BEHAVIOR. Correction should be swift, direct and proportionate. I subscribe to canoe-ology: paddle them from behind and they'll go straight. Don't discipline when you're angry. Don't do it out of embarrassment. Our Father in Heaven disciplines us in love and we are to follow His example.

The fourth requirement is:

4. DIRECTION "admonition" (6:4b) Teaching them for:

· CONVERSION TO THE SAVIOR. The most important thing you can teach them is, "Jesus loves me this I know for the Bible tells me so." We don't want to bring children into the world if we aren't going to take them to heaven with us. Along with this direct them in:

· COMPREHENSION OF THE SCRIPTURES. There is a power in the Word of God to direct them. A recent survey of church youth found that many of them thought Sodom and Gommorah were husband and wife and that Joan of Arc was Noah's wife! We are raising young people without the knowledge of the Bible. Without this comprehension, they are sitting ducks for cults, and the occult.

· COMMITMENT TO HIS STANDARDS. Nature abhors a vacuum. Someone is going to set the standard for your kids. It must be you as a parent sharing Biblical convictions.

· CONSECRATION TO HIS SERVICE. Too many Christians think that if I can raise my kids to be decent people, get a college education, and get a good job, that's success. Yet, an atheist or pagan might accomplish those things. True success is serving Christ. We need to help our children be open to His call. We want them to grow up to impact the world for Christ in whatever field of endeavor they pursue.

You can't be a Christian parent unless you are a Christian! Have you received Christ as your Lord and Savior?

The church can't replace you as a parent, but we can support you. Are you part of a solid, Bible-believing church?

Every Christian parent needs to pray for wisdom and grace--to humble ourselves and seek God's help or we will fail in this most important task, with our children as the casualties.