PICKING UP THE PIECES

 

Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.  Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband.  (1 Corinthians 7:1-2)

Should you find yourself in the land of shattered dreams, is it possible to pick up the pieces and move on to a life of fulfillment?  You might have dreamed of marriage and years later you are still single.  Maybe you married and despite your commitment, your mate walked away—divorce dashed your dreams.  Perhaps you were happily married and death snatched your spouse from your arms.  Can you pick up the pieces?  The Corinthians wrote Paul about this, and in the seventh chapter we find God’s perspective.

You can pick up the pieces from DISAPPOINTMENT (v.1-9; 25-38).  It would be a mistake to stereotype all single adults as frustrated people.  Some are quite happy being unmarried.  Scripture teaches that God gives a special gift of singleness to some—a supernatural grace that liberates them to serve Christ exclusively.  Others feel a deep disappointment.  They want to be married, but have not.  There is something worse than being unmarried, and that is marrying outside of God’s will.  Some are so desperate for marriage, they unequally yoke with an unbeliever.  You get the Devil as a Father-in-law when you do!  Remember that in the sovereignty of an all-wise and all-loving God, disappointment can be His appointment.  Devote yourself to living for Christ, wait on the Lord.  Paul was single and satisfied, fulfilled and not frustrated.  You can be.

You can pick up the pieces from DIVORCE (v.10-24).  Paul doesn’t present a comprehensive statement on divorce and remarriage here—he is answering specific questions.  We must look at the whole of Scripture to find the entire teaching.  Although divorce isn’t desirable, it is sometimes permissible.  Paul tells us that if an unbeliever deserts a believer, the Christian is not bound.  Christ also taught that when someone violates one’s vows with persistent immorality, divorce may be allowed.  When divorce occurs for Biblical grounds, then remarriage is permissible.  The goal, however, is to stay together, if possible.  Reconciliation and rebuilding the relationship can be a miraculous testimony to the grace of God.  The believing spouse may lead their lost mate to Christ.  Forgiveness can be expressed, even when trust is broken.  Divorce always brings pain—even when it is unavoidable.  It breaks hearts and children are often the broken pieces.  The church must do all it can to prepare people for healthy marriages, help those with troubled marriages, but minister to those with broken marriages also.

You can pick up the pieces from DEATH (v.39-40).  Unless both spouses die at the same time, then one will face the sorrow of a funeral.  Since the two became one, they will feel like part of them is gone.  The grief-stricken struggle with depression—even anger with God. Thankfully, for His children, there will be a glad reunion day!  Some will remarry.  Make sure you find God’s choice for you, if you do.  You don’t get over this loss—you just learn in time to go with it, and find the supernatural peace Jesus gives.

I pray for those with broken dreams today, that God will help you pick up the pieces!

THE SHEPHERD’S STANDARD: The Faithfulness at Home

“A bishop then must be…the husband of one wife…” (1 Timothy 3:2 NKJV)

                                                                                           

While we have previously stated that a man must be faithful to his wife if he is to be a leader in the church, several questions arise.  Would this require that a man be married if he is to serve as a pastor?  Does this mean that if a man is divorced that that he could never serve? 

The sense of the Greek language is that the pastor must be a one woman kind of man.

The literal translation is, “a man of one woman.”  The words, when used of the marriage relation come to mean, “a husband of one wife.”  The two nouns are without the definite article, which construction emphasizes character or nature.  The entire context is one in which the character of the bishop is being discussed.  Thus, one can translate, “a one-wife sort of a husband,” or “a one-woman sort of a man.”  We speak of the Airedale as a one-man dog.  We mean by that, that it is his nature to become attached to only one man, his master.  Since character is emphasized by the Greek construction, the bishop should be a man who loves only one woman as his wife.^[1]

Think of the home as a laboratory where character is developed.  While there is much to learn in marriage, it does not require that a man be married to build such character.  A single man may build strong character, just in different ways.  To say that a man must be married to be a pastor would mean that neither Jesus nor Paul would have qualified—and that is unthinkable!  Of course, the nonsense that service to God demands celibacy as Rome teaches is contradicted here.  It is plain that most church leaders would be married, though not mandated that they be.

This would not necessarily preclude a man who was lawfully divorced and remarried—or widowed and remarried even—from being a pastor, if the other qualifications are met—providing he is demonstrably a “one woman kind of man.”  In the impetuosity of youth some made rash choices of a mate who proved unfaithful.  It might be that the man and his wife were both unconverted at the time.  Later, after the marriage ends, circumstances change—and particularly if a man is regenerated and senses God calling him to preach, then with an added level of scrutiny, it may be that he becomes a legitimate candidate for the position if he is exhibiting faithfulness at home in this marriage.  

A PRAYER

Faithful God,

You have ever shown faithfulness to us, even when we have been unfaithful to You.  Thank You for being such a patient and loving God.  May we be molded likewise, and may our marriage be a microcosm of Your devotion to us displayed in our devotion to our spouse. 

In the name of Our Lord Jesus,

Amen.      

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^[1] Wuest, K. S. (1997). Wuest’s word studies from the Greek New Testament: for the English reader (1 Ti 3:2). Grand Rapids: Eerdmans.

IN OR OUT!

I still remember summertime as a kid.  School was out and each day was running and playing in the heat of the sun and on till the only light came from a streetlight and dew blanketed the lawn.  One of the side effects of our eagerness to play was to run out the screen door and slam it behind us.  Then, we might remember something inside we wanted to play with and run back in.  Next, it was back out with a bang.  Sure enough, before long I needed a drink of water.  After some of this, my mother would say, "In or out!  Stop slamming that door!"

It was time for a choice--in or out.

This morning I was thinking about the four lepers sitting at the gate of the city of Samaria as recorded in 2 Kings 7.  Inside there was a famine and people were slowly dying.  To go inside meant death.  Beyond the walls camped the Syrian army that had besieged the city.  To go there would most likely result in death.

But, as outlandish a scheme as it might seem, the one glimmer of hope was maybe, just maybe, the invaders would have pity and throw them a crust of bread.  Should the Syrians plunge a sword into them, it would be a swift and merciful death compared to perishing agonizingly of starvation.  One thing was certain, to remain there was a losing proposition.  They looked at each other and asked this, "Why are we sitting here until we die?"

God honored their step of faith and not only did they experience a miracle, the Israelis living in the city were delivered from the Syrians and starvation.  God caused the marauders to hear the sound of another army marching against them.  They panicked and fled, leaving all their provisions.  All this came from a decision to stop sitting and get up and do something.

As I look at our church--and we are no different than most--we are starving of a segment of our population. Young adults--those singles in college or beginning their career--a number of folks called the Millennials by some sociologists, these twenty-somethings, are absent. A few churches are reaching them, but most are unchurched and what is criminal is that the majority of churches are making little effort to engage them.

Can we look at these young folks and let them walk away from the only source of true life, eternal life, Jesus Christ?  Don't we care?  As the current church population ages, and we fail to replace dying saints with younger ones, can we not see the church is hemorrhaging and needs a transfusion of youth?

Meanwhile we occupy our pews and wish for the "good old days" and vainly hope for better days that cannot be until we ask, "Why are we sitting here until we die?"

So, I am by the grace of God going to get out of my comfort zone, and embrace my responsibility to do what I can.  Starting this Sunday and for the next three months this summer I'm going to do all I can to reach out to these young adults.  Here's the outlandish plan.

When the morning worship service concludes, we are inviting our young singles to lunch in the Family Life Center.  This food for our bodies will later give way to food for the soul, as I teach a Bible study--thirteen weeks of over-viewing God's Story, Genesis to Revelation.  Our young pastoral intern, Robert Justice will aid me, as I cultivate him and give him increasing responsibility to take over the group by the end of August.  When our time of high-energy, fast-paced, practically useful study concludes we will have some games and activities for those who wish to be involved in that.

It's about connection--connecting with God and each other in the study of transforming truth.

Will it work?  God only knows and time will tell.  All I know is that the virtual nothing we are doing isn't working--and never will.

So, what can you do?  If you are 18-29 and single, come to the launch of this ministry and bring a friend.  For those who are still involved in our church, would you be willing to help serve on a leadership team?  It needs to become your ministry to be most fruitful.  I am asking older adults to pray specifically and fervently for this effort.  We need Sunday School classes that will volunteer to help with a meal, Sunday by Sunday.  Should you want to help me with setup, or hospitality, or outreach and followup, that would be wonderful.

I leave you with this: "Remember, it is sin to know what you ought to do and then not to do it." (James 4:17 NLT)  In or out?  I'm "all in!"  How about you?